How can some women be a class act and others not?

by export in Women on 1515/050505/2008200820082008 • 2 Comments • , , , , , , , , , , ,

The short answer is: energy or what you sometimes call vibe.

While in Cape Town I normally have breakfast at least once at Mugg & Bean in Cavendish and I once again had a few meetings this past Saturday. While waiting to be seated I noticed the tall and stunning woman with the best white boots I have seen in a year. The most striking thing about her was her energy or aura or viba – take your pick. The rest her clothes were exceptionally well matches and she topped it off with a cute hat, also white. She was about 1.7m+ tall and carried herself very well like she walking on a red carpet. She walked slowly and never looked around at the other people walking to and fro in the mall. She was with a man who may or may not be her boyfriend. And what was also notable is that there was NO clinging. She was not holding onto him, nor was he holding onto her. There were what Zan Perrion and others have called, together apart. And Khalil Gibran in The Prophet, said there should be spaces in your togetherness.

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The masculine problem of single women and how to fix it

by export in Women on 1111/010101/2008200820082008 • 2 Comments • , , , ,

This week I was interviewed by for an article in Soul magazine about why there is more single women than ever before. And it was so weird because I had been thinking about the masculine and the feminine in new ways over the last two weeks and had this discussion with a few women.

Steven Ross Conscious Media NetworkMy basic inspiration for this world view comes from watching an interview with Steven Ross on the Conscious Media Network about Beauty. At some point early in the interview he begins to explain how it is the devine feminine in the world has created beauty, love and harmony not the masculine. “The great poets, musicians, philosophers that have brought beauty in the world, whether they are men or women. It came from the feminine side of the being, not the the male, masculine side. And so when we look at intuition, healing, perception, that comes from the feminine side of the nature. And for women to abandon and not to understand who they are is bringing the (human) race down in the opposite direction it could be going. Because the male does not produce beauty, the male does not produce art. And we’re talking about the masculine energy. Of course males do but it’s that feminine side. And it does not mean somebody is effeminate or gay. It just means that this is the creative beautiful side.”

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Why you should avoid dating divorced women

by export in Women on 0101/010101/2008200820082008 • 34 Comments • , , ,

Finding the Right One After Divorce: Avoiding the 13 Common Mistakes People Make in Remarriage

Recently I bumped into a woman whom I met about 5 years ago at nightclub. At first glance she still looked hot after all these years. A slim body and sexy clothes, flat tummy and nice boobs. However, she was likely more bitchy than when we first met. This time however, I had also become more assertive. And I kept joking around with her and her friends.

At some point I was speaking to her friend and she explained they were both ?divorced with no kids.? No you may or may not know my stance on dating women with kids but that is a non-negotiable for me these days. The way this woman added ?no kids? really got me thinking about it. So obviously they were what’s called ?back on the market? and the woman I met 5 years ago made a very bad decision in her marriage. Whatever the specific reasons for it not working out is irrelevant because my frame of mind says that woman choose the men, no matter how the men misbehave, they, the woman actually made this bad choice. And what gets to them eventually is knowing this. In the same light my mother chose my dad, whom she divorced after a few short years. In general women, the media and society tend to blame the men for bad behaviour, cheating, drinking, slacking, etc.

Anyway another way of thinking about women stems from the concepts of premiums and discounts I discovered listening to FJ Shark’s Keys to the Kingdom of Women audio programme. The basic idea here is that premiums are high maintenance, expect more than they give, and in general should be avoided when you first notice them. They may be very attractive, which is what helps them get away with their bitchy behaviour. And men must become more assertive, identify the two basic types of women, and cut losses quickly or move forward quickly. It’s also the trait of a good salesman, that is qualifying your clients quickly so you do not waste to much time on dead leads.

Here’s some reasons why you don’t want to date divorced women:

  • they made a bad decision (no matter what the guy did, they chose him)
  • they likely to give you the run around about sex and intimacy
  • they very likely to have commitment issues and other psychological baggage
  • you are not there to play Freud
  • you are not looking to make new friends because you have friends already
  • there are many women, never married from 18 to 38

As I keep saying more and more these days: If you are going through all the effort reading and studying seduction and dating, to improve your success with women, it becomes a real test of character to get them coming back for more. Anyone can have one night stands, and we’ve all been there, done that. But when you are working so hard on improving your life, it is good when you are able to draw on the self-esteem interest you’ve been building over the years. Don’t give up. Keep on, keeping on.

What’s your experience been in dating divorced men or women??

Two things women should be aware of before moving in with a man

by export in Women on 1717/121212/2007200720072007 • No Comments • , , ,

This is a some comments that was published in Move! magazine.

1. Discuss Money Matters

One of the most common mistakes people make in merging their lives is not to discuss money. And one of the biggest causes of break-ups and divorces in general is disagreements about money. Part of this discussion should include what each will do. So for example if one is doing the cooking, the other could do the dishes and vice-versa. Write out a clear agreement on how money will be spent and how you will split your responsibilities around the house.

2. Have a Backup Plan

Nothing last forever. So be prepared for the reality of things not working out. Think ahead and plan ahead. Make sure you do not cut ties with friends and family now that you are moving in together because they will be part of your backup plan when you need them. You do not want to alienate them. Have some savings put away or have a contingency plan so you can act quickly.

The biggest thing to remember is to be pragmatic about moving in together. Love can be blind but don’t let yourself get the short end of the stick.

Also checkout It may be a mistake to live together before getting married.

Maxim names Sarah Jessica Parker, Madonna Unsexiest Women Alive

by export in Society/Women on 1919/111111/2007200720072007 • No Comments • , , ,

Sarah Jessica Parker Unsexiest Women Alive 2007Something that I’ve come to realise, the more I listen to Tom Leykis, is which women, women think are beautiful is often vastly different from the women, men find attractive.

Just think Julia Roberts vs Scarlett Johansson or Susan Sarandon vs Jessica Alba.

Anyway the women on this Maxim poll are mostly women that are considered beautiful on television and the media, and it may be perceived as politically incorrect to say that they are in fact not beautiful any more and it may be questionable if they were ever attractive, especially given the amount of plastic surgery in Hollywood.

On the other hand Esquire magazine chose Charlize Theron as their Sexiest Women Alive!

  1. Sarah Jessica Parker
  2. Amy Winehouse
  3. Sandra Oh
  4. Madonna
  5. Britney Spears

I would add the entire cast of Desperate Housewives to this list minus Eva Longoria.

Who would you add to this list?

Observating older women at a recent 21st birthday party

by export in Women on 1515/111111/2007200720072007 • No Comments • ,

Ramon Thomas & Nazeerah Fourie at her 21st birthday partyLast Saturday I attended my cousin Nazeerah’s 21st birthday party. Nazeerah is a young woman filled with the life energy that is to be expected from a 21 year old. She’s always been mature and now she’s finally growing up into a beautiful young woman who is holding the world in her the palm her hands. Her parents have reinforced a very positive self-image and I know it will continue.

So while I was helping out in the background with the guests as they arrived I started observing that there were many more women at this function. In fact there were blatantly more old ladies without partners. Now I do not know if their partners died or divorced or if they are single. I met a few of these older women throughout the evening and some were divorced and some were unmarried.

Observing the guys I mostly saw them enjoying themselves, chatting away and having a drink like guys do. Many of the women, forced to dress up, on their best behaviour maybe, seemed like they would rather be somewhere else.

For example the one lady who had done Nazeerah’s hair sat at my table. When the guys she was with left the table she referred to him as her “friend” which clearly meant her was NOT her boyfriend. And she just generally seemed bored and disinterested in being with him. Maybe he realised this or not but I can certainly say from how little they actually spoke that there is very little to no chemistry between them. This women was likely in her late 30s or even early 40s and it just hit me, if she was never married, how unhappy she likely is with herself. You are your own worst enemy in these situations.

Anyway the next woman I observed from across the table, turned out to the be the girlfriend of the DJ. At first I thought she was around 26 but later on when I noticed her fupa, I said to myself she is easily 10 years older. I actually could not believe a woman would expose herself in such way when she knows she’s not does not have the waste of Shakira or Beyonce. I almost ran the other way when she began dancing later on after the speeches and dinner.

It’s just funny when I think about how much pressure is applied to women over 25 and in the severest cases over 30 to get married. My own sister is turning 21 next year and I’m doing everything in my power to remove any negative reinforcement she may have received from my mother or other old ladies about meeting prince charming. I shared with Nazeerah some information from Dr John Demartini about how to better communicate with her boyfriend by linking her values to his.

Craigslist Gold digger finds out Women are depreciating assets

by export in Women on 1919/101010/2007200720072007 • 15 Comments • , , ,


One of my heroes, Tom Leyk,is once did a radio show called Chicks Depreciating Assets. He discussed a personal advert on the online classified website, Craigslist by a gold digger. This has since spilled over into the blogosphere, the New York Times and Daily Telegraph. The original advert, and response are reposted here below to highlight the humour and the common sense lacking in the thinking of the woman who wrote the personal advert.

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.

I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won?t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

  • Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
  • What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won?t hurt my feelings
  • Is there an age range I should be targeting (I?m 25)?
  • Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I?ve seen really ?plain jane? boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I?ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What?s the story there?
  • Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
  • How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I?m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I?m being up front about it. I wouldn?t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn?t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won?t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you?re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold?hence the rub?marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to ?buy you? (which is what you?re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It?s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know

Change a woman’s emotional state instead of convincing her

by export in Women on 1919/090909/2007200720072007 • No Comments • ,

On Monday evening I had a small dinner party at my place. It was a last minute episode and I invited a new female friend over to join us. At first she agreed and later some doubt set in. She called me while I was taking a shower and so I missed her call. The voice mail said she was on her way. However, a few minutes later I received an SMS saying she was tired and wanted to have an early night.

For a moment I considered replying to the SMS and then I remembered I know how to deal with this kind of situation. I’ve done it before. So I called her up and spoke to her directly instead of sending a text message. The first thing I did was teasing her about not knowing which highway to take to my place. It’s easily about 30 minutes drive to my place. And maybe it’s understandable that a woman would have doubts about driving around late at night if 7pm on a Monday evening can be considered late ;-)

Anyway as you may know Johannesburg has the worst traffic in all of South Africa. So peak hour is particularly bad here. And I weaved this into the story I was telling her, pointing out how few cars are on the road after 7pm and it would be a breeze driving to my place. She laughed. And proceeded to defended herself telling me she owns a GPS and it will direct her so she doesn’t need directions. This was a small commitment from her and I kept building on it. I talked for a while longer about her, her fancy GPS and how proud she must be to own one. She has to show me how it works one day. And then I reassured her that this dinner party was going to be fun. There’s no strings attached. In fact I would kick her ass out if she stayed to long.

She agreed to come over and that was it. I encouraged her to bring along her favourite drink. This is such a trivial thing but so crucial i.e. getting people to bring something over when they visit you, makes them invest in their decision even more. Now the moral of the story is that I didn’t do a sales job. What I mean is that I did not persuade her using logic. I did not give her a list of benefits for coming over. Instead I changed her emotional state – from being hesitant to being certain, from being afraid of making a bad decision (staying out late on a Monday night) to feeling she is making a good decision. And certainly from her behaviour and reactions afterwards she felt she had made a good decision.

One last thing I made sure my own internal state was light, fun and that I projected certainty. The key to a leading a woman is projecting certainty.

Why is Jo-Ann Strauss, Vanessa Marawa and Pam Andrews in an interracial relationships?

by export in Women on 2828/060606/2007200720072007 • 12 Comments • , , , , ,

As most people know South Africa started to emerged out of decades of Apartheid brainwashing that the white race is superior to others in early 1990s. And so when I was at university between 1993-1995 I started noticing more and more interracial couples hanging out around town. It was almost like it was the in thing where white girls were seen with coloured or black guys – not so much the other way around. Since 2000 its certainly all more common place to see many variations of mixed couples in South Africa and indeed worldwide.

According to a recent HSRC survey, quoted in the Mail & Guardian feature: Love and Marriage in 2006 this is how different race groups supported interracial marriages

  • 43% Blacks
  • 38% Coloureds
  • 49% Indians
  • 61% Whites

Now I’ve noticed a particular trend among successful non-white South African women who end up in relationships with white men. And this is something beyond race. Here’s a brief list for your information:

  1. Jo-ann Strauss, former Miss South Africa and Top Billing presenter, a Coloured woman from Cape Town has a “German boyfriend, orthopaedic surgeon-model Michael Held.“
  2. Vanessa Marawa, Survivor SA winner, is dating a Jewish-American, Zach Leverenz.
  3. Pam Andrews, who I’ve met a few times is dating white talk show host, sometimes comedian Paul Viv.

Now why do you think these women date white guys instead of coloured or black guys? My theory is simply that the could not find black/coloured men who could measure up to their status, their intelligence and financially. If you take Jo-Ann Strauss and Vanessa Marawa, both models, they are exceptionally tall and this again probably makes it very difficult to find guys within their own racial or cultural backgrounds who are taller. There are many anecdotal evidence that shows that women prefer taller men. And I’m sure if I tried harder I could find the actual evidence to support this argument.

How to get a women’s phone number in 2 minutes

by export in Dating/Women on 1717/050505/2007200720072007 • 6 Comments • , , ,

Ramon's new phone Sony Ericsson w880iOn Tuesday I went to the traffic department to pick-up my new drivers license. As fellow South Africans will know – this is a nightmare. The whole system is so messed up because of computer glitches and government bureaucracies and bungling…’nuff said.

Anyway while waiting in the queue I see this woman reading a Danielle Steel book. So as I walked in I immediately made a loud comment about the two guys on either side of her being losers for not talking to her. In fact I pointed to her and said “How rude! Do you guys realise she’s telling you how boring you are and her book is more interesting then whatever you have to say?”

She hit back that they had been stuck in traffic department for two days. They were there the previous day and the systems went down so they came back. Now the great Chinese sage, Lao Tzu, once said those who justify do not convince. And here she was – I hardly know her – and she is defending herself. If she did not care she would continue to read. First IOI – indicator of interest – and she asked me a question – next IOI. My name was called and picked up my drivers license card. I returned to her, asked for her cellphone, called myself and asked her name as a I left – remarking that somebody up there likes me.

So there was some warm-up conversation. Always teasing and never letting on. From the moment I sat down, asked for her phone, called my own number and returned her phone asking for her name > less than 2 mins! This has been one of my favourite ways of getting a woman’s phone number.

The next article will be reposted from David DeAngelo and his technique on email addresses and phone numbers. I’ve tried it and it causes to much of a delay so go directly for the phone number.

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