Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice

Pride and PrejudiceJane Austen fans will love this youthful, fresh investigation of the story but in addition to that, the film is thoughtfully faithful to the novel’s themes and to Austen’s style, which makes it elegant, romantic and completely charming. It has won four Oscar nominations…

Director: Joe Wright
Cast: Keira Knightley, Donald Sutherland, Judi Dench, Brenda Blethyn, Rosamund Pike, Matthew Macfadyen.
(127 min.)

  • Keira Knightley is nominated as Best Actress
  • Sarah Greenwood has been nominated for Art Direction
  • Jacqueline Durran has been nominated for Costume Design
  • Dario Marianelli has been nominated for the Music Score.

Do we need another “Pride and Prejudice”? The 1940 version with Greer Garson and Laurence Olivier is an absolute gem, as is the 1995 BBC-TV series with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. There have also, over the years, been 8 other TV versions. One might imagine that there is no new cinematic thought to be had about this venerable classic. It was, after all, written in 1813. What can a book written 193 years ago possibly have to say about love and marriage to the “Bridget Jones” generation? The answer to that is “everything”. Austen’s novel is about three young women trying to retain control over their own lives and happiness. They are fighting to achieve a sense of self-esteem and purpose. They are hindered by their families and the social values of the day which entrenched the rights and dominance of men in their culture. That made it impossible for women to make free choices. For young women to work and be independent would be a scandal for which they would be ostracized. In the marriage market a woman’s manners, morals looks, and child-bearing ability could be scrutinised and discussed publicly as if they were cows at auction but any man who shows an interest in marrying them, is welcomed without question, no matter his age or how hideous he is, as long as he can give her money a home and a place in society.

Keira KnightleyIt was a brutal world for intelligent, independent women and within it Jane Austen was a proto-feminist. Back in 1813 when Austen herself was a spinster of modest financial means and no social standing, she knew everything there was to know about how the world’s dice were loaded against women. That’s why this book is about a mother so desperate to marry off her daughters that she will shove then into the arms of anyone who asks, even a handsome rascal or an odious bore. It’s about women who must choose to go in dull, loveless marriages because it’s better than becoming spinster dependent on the charity of others. It’s also about the tragedy and terrible choices that faced clever, gifted women if they want to avoid a life of dingy dependence. For them marriage was seldom about love. There were mergers made for reasons of status and mobey. The story offers us three young women, Lizzie Bennet (Keira Knightley), her sister Jane (Rosamund Pike) and her best friend Charlotte (Claudie Blakely), who must make those tough choices.

They all live together in a small rural town that is set upon its ear by three male visitors. There’s Mr. Bingley (Simon Woods) a wealthy man who rents the stately home of Netherfield for the summer. He has a friend, the reserved and haughty Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen) and the third visitor is an obsequious social climber, a country parson Mr. Collins (Tom Holland). Every mother in the district decides that her daughter will marry one of these three. Mrs. Bennet (Brenda Blethyn) a pushy, vacuous woman mounts a campaign to secure these men for her daughters and the resulting intrigues are sufficiently well-known. The freshness and originality of the film lies in the interpretation of young director Joe Wright, who makes some dazzling choices, like casting young actresses who are the same age and the girls in the book. This has never been done before and it brings a youthful emotional energy to the film.

Mr Darcy and LizzieWright also decides to show us that the Bennet family is far from rich and are perched on the edge of a social decline. He shows this in the film’s very first shot. Lizzie Bennett is returning from a pre-breakfast walk. She wearing sturdy boots and the hem of her dress is muddy. The Bennett barnyard is in disarray and as she enters the house we are struck by the genteel shabbiness and disorder of the room. The point is obvious. The Bennett’s are broke. They may have social position but their father Mr. Bennet (Donald Sutherland) lacks business acumen and personal drive. He’s a lazy, self-involved man who will retire to his library to read while his livelihood and his estate slip into chaos around him. Sutherland’s performance is superb. He reveals the indolence and selfishness of a man who has given up on life. It’s easy to make this character into a comic figure but Sutherland makes him darker and sadder, a man whose life is falling apart but he has neither the energy nor the will to do anything about it.

It is no wonder that their mother (Brenda Blethyn) is so obsessed with finding rich husbands for her daughters. It would be easy to play her for laughs as well, but at her naïve and foolish level of understanding, she is in despair and she is motivated partly by her own desire to have a daughter who might support her in her penurious old age, but at some level she also wants her daughters to make a better marriage than she did. Deborah Moggach’s acutely witty script script and the intelligent cast constantly reveal the irony and cool, hard-edged sophistication of Jane Austen’s moral view. No previous film has put misplaced pride, social snobbery and the issue of money so precisely at the centre of the story of “Pride and Prejudice”, even though that’s where Jane Austen always wanted it to be in her novels.

Keira Knightley does her best screen work to date her as the vivacious, intelligent Lizzie, who can see how dire her situation is and how awful her family can be but her loyalty, generosity and self-esteem temper all her actions. She makes us feel how sad it would be if a woman of her spirited temperament were forced to fit into a polite marriage to dull man. Knightley is Lizzie Bennett to the life but while she has the lion’s share of the film, she is not it’s only star. Austen created one of her most sublime comic figures, Lady Catherine de Bourg, a woman of great wealth and extreme snobbishness who married for wealth and status. Her only joy in life is to praise herself and to insult others. She’s the ultimate example of the tragedy of a marriage of convenience, a woman with great strength of character who was forced to squander herself as a trophy wife to man who never cared for her as a woman.

Judi Dench is striking in this role, hitting every note of vanity and spite that this nasty old bat has to offer. Dench’s look is also an indication of the intelligence of this film. She alone wears her hair in the pompadour style of the previous century. Her clothes are magnificent but they are 30 years out of date. She’s decked out in the grand style of a portrait by Reynolds or Gainsborough, a poignant display of a woman hanging onto her lost youth and beauty with all the tenacity that money and pride can inspire. She’s like a pantomime dame in the presence of all these fresh, young girls in the simple delicate fashions of the new century and for all the high comedy that Dench produces, there’s this core of anger and spite, the price she pays for a life bartered for status and material possessions.

The rest of the cast are all gloriously young, with Rosamund Pike as Jane reminding us exactly why that old cliché about “the perfect English rose” was coined. As Mr. Bingley, Simon Woods is delightful, a lively, spontaneous fresh-faced youth who strives for the grand manner of a wealthy landowner but rapidly collapses into his natural youthful high spirits. The only performance about which is was not wholly certain was that of Matthew Macfadyen who plays the haughty Mr. Darcy. He has the right, rugged, glowering look but he does an interesting thing. He suggests that the formality of Darcy’s manner is actually shyness. He’s unsure about how to handle women, so he has retreated into the pose of despising them all as a silly creatures, which is a safe place to be, but when he meets one who is intelligent, well-read, and articulate, with a natural grace and spirit he’s scared out of his wits. He’s convinced himself that all women are fools but when he finds one who is not, he feels foolish himself and blunders his way into trouble. It’s an interesting reading but Matthew Macfadyen is perhaps too formal and understated to give the right romantic flourish to the ending. He’s more Heathcliff than Darcy.

That said the film is a joy, quite different from Ang Lee’s “Sense and Sensibility” which remains the best, most completely engaging and truest screen treatment of an Austen novel. But Joe Wright’s “Pride and Prejudice” runs it a close second. He has a sound visual sense and the skill to pull this kind of historical drama off to perfection. I sincerely hope he keeps working in this period genre because a Joe Wright version of “Wuthering Heights” or “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall” would be something to look forward to.

Republished with permission from Barry Ronge, South Africa’s #1 movie critic. Please visit his movie review website Rather Ronge

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

“The Way of the Superior Man” is a revolutionary new look at the challenges facing the contemporary male. David Deida encourages men to live a full life and to find their deepest purpose so they can give their deepest gifts to the world. After reading this book your view of the world might change.

You will hear new meanings in songs, view your sexual relationship with much more insight and start to unravel the tangled web of life. Suddenly spirituality and sexuality merge into an ecstatic experience.

This is more about living the poetic life than being trapped and tangled in a web of your own making. It is about breaking free and overcoming the challenges of human existence. This book mainly focuses on how men deal with their career/life purpose and women. As a woman, you might be surprised when you discover which one men find to be the most important.

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire If you are a woman, presently living with a man who has lost his “deepest purpose,” then this book will explain why a man’s view of his “purpose” can make life heaven or hell. After reading this book you will see why it is of ultimate importance even in an unpredictable world. I agree with the author completely on this issue. A man cannot love a woman fully unless he is happy with who he is and where he is going.

If you are a man living with a woman who is not filled with sexual energy and vitality and who seems depressed, edgy and not that interested in sex, then this book gives insight into the mysteries of a woman’s heart and soul. It explains what turns a woman on in the depths of her being and how a man can take her into the realm of sexual ecstasy.

Not only does David Deida unravel the mysteries of women, he has a profound and ancient knowledge of how men function on their deepest levels. He answers so many questions, I truly felt more enlightened in regards to relationship and life issues.

  • What is a man’s highest priority?
  • When should you start to enjoy your life? Is the time now?
  • Are you willing to do what it takes to stay on the edge?
  • How can fear become your friend?
  • Why you should allow yourself time to discover “the unknowing.”
  • How a period of unknowingness can lead to knowing your purpose.
  • What makes a man more attractive to a woman?
  • Why do women love it when a man takes charge on a date?
  • Why do women refuse to surrender? What does surrender really mean?
  • Is she just a woman to you? Or do you want to change her?

David talks about not changing a woman, but loving her. This is so true. I also believe a woman is like a flower who can be encouraged to bloom more fully under the care of a loving man. Whether than means he has to use humor or spend more time during sex, it all counts.

I can imagine David Deida singing: “She’s Always a Woman to Me” although I think he’d change the words because he seems to know the secrets to getting back to the garden of Eden. Women want a man who is sensitive, spontaneous and spiritually alive. A man who can lead a woman into deep intimacy is unimaginably sexy.

If the man she is with is not helping a her to “bloom,” she will either wither, find inner strength or find another man to lead her to sexual ecstasy. I do think some of his explanations about sex border on “orgasm as a tool to attaining enlightenment.”

The type of sex he seems to be talking about is “sacred sex” and is superior to ordinary sex because he describes men achieving an almost oneness with God through having sex with a woman. This seems to be more in line with “Tantra” which has its roots in Tibetan Buddhist spirituality.

While ordinary sex is more mechanical and still pleasurable, he is talking about a rapturous spiritual experience in which the body, mind, heart and soul experience bliss. It is called “divine ecstasy” where the boundaries and ego dissolve. Tantric Sex includes long periods of total devotion and could involve sacred rituals, so you may or may not wish to participate in the more “spiritual” aspects depending on you religion. You almost need to go away for the weekend to find the time.

So, when David talks about spending three hours with your lover, he isn’t kidding. While many philosophies focus on the denial of our senses, this book encourages the full engagement of all the senses. There is an awareness of Tantric Sex, but no deep explanations.

David Deida does show a deep understanding of Tantra in general as he seems to embrace life with a deep spiritual understanding and seems to see living as an ancient art in which you live in harmony with existence.

I think the main goal in this book is to encourage men to see that they can control their lives and that in fact, women want them to be in control. Confidence is of course very sexy. This book is especially for men with a masculine sexual essence who want to deepen their life experience with a lover who has a very feminine sexual essence.

I have found all of David Deida’s books to be intellectually appealing and also sexy on a primal level. I think you can decide what you want to add to your life and there is so much truth in regards to the male/female interaction as a dance or a game. Love becomes the ultimate pleasure. Life becomes a path into an open sky.

Also Highly Recommended (especially for women):

Couples online dating website review

Two’s company, three’s a crowd. Truer words have never been spoken. Do you have a chronically single friend that you, grudgingly, bring along to your dates? Are you that friend? If so, you will find a solution for this at Couples. An eye-catching online dating website for South Africans – www.couples.co.za – is the destination. If you have any misconceptions about online dating services, such as “only desperate PC geeks date online”, then leave them at the door, because this website offers you thousands of funky men and women to chat up. The website’s auto matching system uses your age, religion and cultural factors with which to create your profile. Using this profile, potential matches are recommended to you.

This website now has over 20,000 users and is one of the cheapest websites around. A six month subscription will cost you R100 while a 12 month subscription will only cost R150. This is exceptionally great value for money if you think about how much you typically spend on a weekend out on the town.

One thing I do not like about Couples is that I cannot filter on some criteria. For example on most other webistes I can filter out women with children or I can select with check boxes multiple races. Not with Couples. The search and matchmaking system is very basic in this regard.

Must Love Dogs with Diane Lane and John Cusack

Must Love Dogs Diane Lane John CusackThis charming comedy is like a teen romance for serial singles and newly-created divorcees. It’s about loneliness, unguarded passion, self-doubt and adult awkwardness but it’s not self-pitying in a wrist-slitting sort of way. It affirms that there are emotional support systems that we sometimes choose not to see, because we are too proud or too scared and it reminds us that there are many ways to love and some rather odd ways to be loved in return. It’s quite profound but in an hilarious way.

Director: Gary David Goldberg
Cast: Diane Lane, Elizabeth Perkins, Dermot Mulroney, John Cusack, Christopher Plummer.
(98 min, PG13)

People with a label fetish have slapped the nauseating “chick-flick” label on this charming and unexpectedly wise film. Sure, it’s mainly about women characters but it’s also about men, how they behave around women, what hang ups they have and how anxiety and confusion about love is not gender-specific. Everybody gets it wrong lots of times before we get it right and this is a film about a woman who got it wrong and is not even sure if she can ever feel right again.

The primary source of the film’s success is director Gary David Goldberg who knows a thing or two about warm, affectionate comedy. He not only created the TV sitcom hits “Spin City” and “Family Ties”, he’s been a writer on classic TV comedies like “Alice”, “Lou Grant”, “M.A.S.H” and “The Tony Randall Show”. All that accumulated writing-skill pays off in this shrewd re-working of slick but honest love story based on Claire Cook’s novel which was a best-selling hit with the book club set. The witty, classy Goldberg skill is still very much there but he is also a generous and shrewd director. When he originally approached John Cusack to act in the film, Cusack turned it down, saying that he thought the part was under-developed, but Goldberg offered him a chance to re-write his own role. Cusack took to his word-processor, fleshed out the role, made his character a little more neurotic and obsessive but also a lot funnier. Goldberg accepted the changes, Cusack took the role and he gives one of his most amusingly wry studies of a moping male divorcee who thinks “Dr Zhivago” was the most wonderful love story ever written.

Diane Lane plays Sarah, who is dealing with a divorce. She has a lovely place to live and a great job as a nursery school teacher but she’s under pressure to start dating again. Her affectionate but interfering sister Carol played with acid wit by the wonderful Elizabeth Perkins enrols her on an Internet dating site and that’s where the romantic misadventures begin. Sarah ends up with two main contenders: the dreamy-eyed Dermot Mulroney and the intense John Cusack. Most of the film is taken up with the examination of these two bumpy rides to love. But it’s also a very gentle study of family ties and friendship, especially Sarah connection to a gay couple who seem to have the only secure relationship in the film.

Diane Lane, has recently emerged as a superior actress, skilled in portraying the emotional insecurities of women heading for middle-age. This film is not as romantic and feel-good as “Under the Tuscan Sun” but it mixes smart verbal comedy and barbed home-truths about the pitfalls of marriage with the skill of a formidable cast. Everything about the film looks polished and easy. The comedy is deftly paced, the writing is sleek but instead of the superficial speed of sitcom humour, this film makes room for humanity and warmth. Goldberg is careful to ensure that the focus is not only on the Sarah and her two possible lovers. Relationships do not exist in a vacuum. We all have siblings and parents, in-laws and friends who calmly assume that our business is their business. Keeping them at bay and in check is as tough as working out what’s happening in the romance.

It’s an original idea, not by a long shot but it’s a story everyone will recognize. There’s a 1961 Debbie Reynolds movie about the same issues. It was called “The Second Time Around” and while the movie is long-forgotten, it’s theme song has found great popularity. Indeed Barbra Streisand included it in her soundtrack album released in 2004. The words are, “Love is lovelier, the second time around, much more comfortable, with both feet on the ground.” And that’s very much the mood of this movie. That particular point is made most strongly by the oldest members of the cast, Christopher Plummer and Stockard Channing, who are wonderful as a pair of older lovers, and there’s a great speech in which Plummer explains to his daughter why his new romances are in no way a betrayal of his love for his wife. It’s gracefully written and Plummer delivers it like the seasoned old pro he is. In fact, he’s great in the film, a gallant old man who has learned the difference between sex, romance and love. In one of the film’s best scenes he recites a Yeats poem at a family event and both the words and his delivery seem to say everything there is to say on the subject. It’s touches like that set this movie at a classy remove from the usual rom-com superfluity and with such a glamorous cast and such good writing the many tribulations of love have rarely looked as enticing as they do here.

Reprinted with Permission from Barry Ronge’s website Rather Ronge

The Ex Factor: How Your Friends Help You Survive a Breakup

It’s Saturday night. You’re home, on your third glass of wine, staring hopelessly into a pint of cookie dough ice cream, wishing that something (anything!) would numb this post-breakup pain. Betcha feel like the saddest girl in the world, huh? But just think how much sadder things would be if you were back with your ex ?- a guy who is so unworthy of your greatness. Says who, you ask? Says Greg Behrendt, coauthor of last year’s hit He’s Just Not That into You, and his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. In their new book, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: A Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy, they show you why you absolutely must put down that tub of Häagen-Dazs and pick up the phone. No, not to call him. To call your friends. Yes, these are the good people who are going to help you get over your heartache and get back in the game.You may not have him, but you have something far more valuable right now ?- your friends. “Great. And my health, right? Oh, I’m so lucky.” We know it sounds corny, but having good friends to call on will get you through the heartbreak you’re feeling more quickly than you thought. Their love and companionship can be a beacon during your darkest hours ?- but believe us when we say that those beacons can go out. You want to take care of your friendships during this time, even as they are taking care of you. When you’re on the other side, there’s nothing worse than ending the relentless chatter of the breakup-obsessed friend who doesn’t listen to your or take your advice. Here’s the thing to remember about your friends: They want you to be happy. They want you to be a in a good, loving, and healthy relationship that inspires you to be the best you can be, not one that is difficult and painful. What’s more, your friends can see your ex and your relationship for what it was ?- warts and all ?- and they probably aren’t buying the rewritten version of the perfect love that you’re pining over.

Six months from now, when you are in a completely different emotional space (if not already in a better relationship), you’ll want to look back on this time and feel good about the way you behaved with the people around you. You won’t want visions of Lily Taylor singing “Joe Lies” and bumming out everyone at the party while her friends exchange uncomfortable glances. (If you haven’t seen Cameron Crowe’s film Say Anything, run, don’t walk, to the video store. But don’t wait for your ex to show up on your lawn with a boom box ?- it’s just a movie.)

We know… your friends are always supposed to be there, but for the love of God, give them a break and stop talking about your ex for one minute! We all have those tapes that play in our head ?- what are they called? Oh yeah, thoughts. But some of them are meant just for you. You don’t have to share every single one of them. In fact, stop listening to yourself! If you pay attention to your negative thoughts, you’re only affirming their validity. Those thoughts are like a bratty child ?- if you pay attention to the bad behavior, it only encourages a bigger tantrum. We say this with the greatest measure of love and empathy, but take a step back and try to understand why you need to make a conscious effort not to subject your friends to endless questions, endless tears, and endless analysis during this time. It’s one thing to get dumped by a guy, but it’s another to get dumped by your friends, because they won’t even have breakup sex with you.

You’re great and your friends all know it. They’re on call, ready and wiling to help you get over that loser who wasn’t right for you. However, right now you are stuck in the Melancholy Vortex of your breakup. It’s an uber-powerful trap that sucks you in and blinds you to all the bad, unhealthy, crapola times that were so glaring in your relationship, and it only plays back loops of the best moments, thus obliterating your sense of why it didn’t work out. It’s like A Clockwork Orange. You’re figuratively stuck in that chair with your eyes held open by those weird eyelash-curler contraptions while movies of the two of you in your happiest times flash through your brain to classical music or Coldplay. Your friends, on the other hand, are saying, “Hey there, Hot, Smart, Happening Lady, why don’t you stop strapping yourself into that chair and come sit with us?” And the reality of it is that if you don’t start actually listening to them and taking their advice, your friends will tire of you. Open your mind to what they have to say, and whatever you do, DON’T blame them for pointing out your ex’s less-than-admirable qualities, or trying to give you a reality check about your less-than-perfect relationship. That’s what they’re there for ?- to help you get up out of that chair and start moving on. In return, you need to set a time limit on how long you’re going to dwell on the past. Try setting the limit at eight weeks. If after eights weeks you still need to talk about it constantly, seek professional help and let your friends off the hook. Or talk to your dog. All the dog hears is “blah, blah, blah…” which ?- take it from us ?- is what you are starting to sound like to your friends.

But what if my friends are wrong?
Q: Dear Greg,
My boyfriend and I broke up three months ago after being together for almost four years. Even though it was a mutual decision, I’m wondering if it was the right one. My friends all think I need to get on with my life because I’ve spend my whole adult life with him (I’m three years out of college, which is where we met). They say I’ve been living in a vacuum and they’re sick of hearing about it and never really liked him that much anyway. But the more I dissect it with them, the more I think they’re wrong and just tired of hearing about it. What do you think?

Tamara

A: Dear Tamara Never Comes,
Here’s the thing people forget: You are also in a relationship with your friends. These relationships will ultimately prove to be more profound that the one you just came out of, and right now, they are certainly more important. Your friends want what’s best for you, and you need to recognize that they’ve been living through your relationship for as long as you have, because friends care about and share in each other’s lives. So accept their opinions and move on. Not only should you trust your own instincts that getting out of the relationship was the right move, but the fact that your friends are backing your decision should only make you feel better about it. You should also trust your instinct when it tells you your friends are sick of hearing about your breakup. Give it a rest and take advantage of the other great things that good friends have to offer: fun, laughter, clothes to borrow, and best of all, activities that have nothing to do with your ex.

Excerpt from It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy, © 2005 by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola Behrendt. Used with permission from Broadway Books, an imprint of Random House.

Steve Carell is 40 Year Old Virgin

40 year old virginThe mix of hilarious, amazingly rude slapstick with a shrewd observation of human behaviour and honest emotions makes it one of the year’s best comedies. Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler should look to their wilting laurels because Steve Carell can match their raunch but he adds intelligence and careful observation to the mix so that the film touches your heart as well as kicking your funnybone.

Director: Judd Apatow
Cast: Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd.
(116 min.16SL)

This flat-out, in-your-face sex comedy is probably the rudest comedy we are likely to see this year, but it is also one of the funniest. The title more-or-less describes the story. Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell) is a fairly good-looking, genuinely nice guy who has managed to turn 40 without ever having sex. There’s nothing physically wrong with him and he’s not repulsive. If anything he’s too nice and too concerned about offending any woman he likes, so after a series of missed opportunities he’s more or less settled into a terminal virginity.

When his secret is uncovered by his work buddies, they make it their mission in life to get Andy laid. In the process we are taken on a tongue-in-cheek, whistle-stop tour of the sex lives of the average American male and its messy and silly enough to make us wonder if Andy does not have the right idea about virginity.

The genius of the script is that underneath all the raw and raunchy comedy is a lot of sound good sense about relationships, affection and companionship. That’s the secret of the film’s charm. As the film progresses we get to see more of the lives of Andy’s buddies and they are a sorry lot. David (Paul Rudd) can’t get over a failed relationship. He’s saddled with a sense of failure and despite the fact that girls really like him, the sex he gets does nothing to please or comfort him. He’s getting what he thinks he wants, but in fact the only thing he really wants is someone to love and he had that but lost it. He’s far worse off than Andy is, yet he presumes to be the great sexual maestro.

The same is true of the other two guys Jay (Romany Malco) and Cal (Seth Rogen) who flee from relationships and when they are involved they lie and cheat to preserve the illusion that they are still sex-gods who can go out and have no-strings fun with women whenever they choose. They are dragged through their lives by their dicks and they are rapidly reaching the same age as Andy, and the question is which is worse? To be a 40-year old virgin or to be a 40-year old adolescent with chronic commitment issues?

Despite the parade of willing babes that the friends shove in front of him, Andy forms his own edgy, off relationship with Trish (Catherine Keener) who gives the other great performance in the film. Keener has done sterling work on the independent film circuit, moving from “Being John Malkovich” and “Your Friends and Neighbours” through “Lovely and Amazing” to “The Ballad of Jack and Rose”. She is a resourceful and intelligent actor, who goes right to the emotional core this character. Trish has a failed relationship behind her and a teenage daughter. She’s lonely but wary, but she is also a bit flakey, a woman with weird ideas who works to her own odd agenda. Andy is Mr Normal, scrupulously clean and neat, disciplined and polite. They are the proverbial opposites that always attract but it’s a very strange and hilarious attraction. Catherine Keener gives a very detailed and emotionally true performance, edging the comedy with pathos and lifting the situation onto another level..

Mention must also be made of Paula (Jane Lynch), Andy’s boss, who never gave him the time of day before she knew his sexual status, but the idea of being able to take a man’s virginity sends her hormones into overdrive. The scene I which she sings him a tango is one of the funniest moments in recent screen comedy. Everything in the film is exactly judged and director Judd Apatow understand Steve Carell’s comic style and timing so well that the film does not have one single dud joke. It’s consistently funny but it also exposes real truths about ordinary people, but it never turns into a mealy-mouthed sermon. In the overcrowded field of macho farce this film is funky and completely original.

AffinitySA.com Website Review

AffinitySA.com has only been around since 2004. Like many other dating services today they are punting the mixture of matchmaking and social events. A conversation with the owner Lyle Tapinos explains that there’s more to it and they want to help people improve themselves. For example a guy who’s inexperienced is going out on a hot date, AffinitySA would send someone out to help him with selecting the best clothes and also give him a pep talk to boost his self-esteem.

The launch party in June 2005 at Cafe Vacca Matta was amazing. The quality of the women and the men was superior to any night club I’d been to in years. Since then I’ve been back to Vacca Matta and I do believe this is more attributed to the type of people that Vacca Matta attracts anyway. There’s hope though because one thing that’s a sure winner is to attract people of high status and Vacca Matta certainly does so without trying to hard.

Before registering a general look around Affinity.com website shows them advertising their “next event” as the “Know Your Man” special on 3 August which is long ago. The other major dissappointment is the Featured Profiles which is shown and changes often enough but you are not able to click on them. This really defeats the purpose of showing or rotating profiles on the front page. The registration is simple enough and when you click on “join” you get slapped with all the terms and conditions which are standard fare on the Internet. What’s really super is that only the most basic details is asked when you’re registering, after which a confirmation email is sent, and then you go back to complete the registration.

Only at this point are you asked to complete more questions as well as allowing you to upload your photos. This is the type of registration process which makes it smooth sailing for people who are inexperienced on the Internet. It’s good web usability practise to have this kind of multi-step registration process. Once you’re registered the and you login to the website there is a Latest News section which is blank, the Featured Profiles on the right is replaced with your own profile. The automated matching uses the criteria specified in “Describing your Match.” Something I’ve seen before is that when you’re only allowed to select one criterie e.g. “blue eyes” it excludes all the rest. And you may want to select “blue” + “green” eyes but because it’s a drop down list doesn’t allow you to have multiple selections. When I clicked on “Who’s Online?” I found I’m the only one and this is a Wed 10am. Maybe the busiest time of the day is the evening but I doubt that because most people who use Online Dating do so during work time because they got unlimited access to Internet at the office.

You can also place little classified ads. At the time of writing this review there’s only a few ads by some horny guys on the website. The overall impression of AffinitySA.com is that it’s a work in progress. The website is not updated frequently enough and will continue to be a major problem with credibility. On the upside if AffinitySA.com is hosting another function at Cafe Vacca Matta in Montecasino, Fourways, Johannesburg, make sure you’re there because it’s a blast.

Visit AffinitySA.com and let us know what you think.

The Art and Strategy of Being a Superflirt by Tracey Cox

Superflirt by Tracey CoxWatching two people flirt is kind of like watching a car wreck. There’s all the discomfort, the unmistakable fear and the inability, for the life of you, to look away. But that’s until you learn the tricks of the trade, according to dating (and sex) expert Tracey Cox.

Review by Faraaz Mahomed…

‘Superflirt’ is one of Ms. Cox’s brand of in-your-face, brutally open, books that aims to make anyone instantly appealing. With an emphasis on body language and unspoken signals, the book delves into the murky underworld that is the mind of the single guy or girl on the prowl. And murky it certainly is. Devious even. Which is exactly why, argues Cox, anyone looking to arrive single and leave attached needs a well-orchestrated plan of attack.

Tracey CoxFrom the section on the ‘Ten second turn-on’ to the illustrated guides on the correct way to stand, sit and do pretty much anything else, those of us who find such ‘advice’ slightly difficult to stomach may find reason to object to the book’s over-the-top promises. But anything’s worth a try. Right?

Courtesy of this self-styled guru, the reader is invited to unlock the mystery behind every look, every gesture and every carefully-planned expression of interest. The author shows us just how elaborate one can be when flirting and just how clueless some of us really are. The slightest touch is often momentously significant. So too, is the coquettish smile or the confident stride. I can just feel the light bulbs going off everywhere.

So not only should you know where to put this and when to do that but what about being able to tell if it’s working? The book is particularly useful if you’re interested in knowing how to tell if your prey is up for it or not. It even has a section called, “Help, it doesn’t seem to be working! Are they interested or aren’t they?” Maybe not the most convincing advertisement, but nothing’s foolproof. At least she admits it.

There are also tips on chatting a prospective partner up and the all-important sex chapter. As with everything else, Cox seems to be privy to a wealth of hitherto undisclosed information. The sex signals are mesmerisingly accurate and almost irritatingly revealing. I guess some of us will have to find some new tricks.

Cox has a background in psychology and it shows. The reader is navigated not simply through the signals but, also, the intentions behind them. And she has countless anecdotal stories to back her up. Beware though. For someone who has all the answers, she seems to have been around the block and then some. Look a little closer, and you’ll find that Cox is ‘happily settled’, whatever that means. Perhaps, then, there’s no one better to share some secrets. Either way, there’s no doubting her worldwide success. ‘Superflirt’ may not be everyone’s cup of tea (forgive the heinous cliché) but it is, at worst, an entertaining read about a topic where some of us will need all the help we can get. Stylish and creative, anyone would be taken in by the book’s appearance and swept away by its promises.

‘Superflirt’ by Tracey Cox Published by Dorling Kindersley

The Game by Neil Strauss

The Game by Neil Strauss

If you’re a guy who has ever been curious about what it takes to seduce women in the real world (as opposed to the watered-down ideas Hollywood would have you believe actually work), or a woman who wondered how real-life “players” really operate, then there is a new book hitting the shelves this week that you absolutely MUST read.

Two years ago, Neil Strauss — Rolling Stone writer and New York Times best-selling biographer of Jenna Jameson and Mötley Crüe — took what he calls “a journey into one of the oddest and most exciting underground communities that, in more than a dozen years of journalism, I have ever come across.”

What followed was a bizarre descent into a world-wide underground subculture where brotherhoods of men, brought together by the internet, congregate and study how to meet, attract, and ultimately bed women. This is an underworld shaded from the public view, filled with colorful characters that have to be seen to be believed.

There’s the manic-depressive professional illusionist who moonlights as a personal seduction coach, taking men to clubs at rates of over $1000 a night. There’s the forty-year old failed comedian who hypnotizes women into sleeping with him. There’s the former Real Estate broker who built a financial empire teaching men how to get dates. There’s the two college drop-outs inspired by the movie Fight Club who travel the world creating cults designed to seduce women. And then there’s Neil Strauss himself.

As a single male with little personal success with women, Strauss was intrigued by the teachings and colorful personalities in this seduction community. And as a reporter, he wanted to meet these men and find out what made them tick. But as he got sucked deeper and deeper into this subculture and taken under the wings of all its leaders as part of their elite inner-circle, Strauss ceased to be a mere observer and actually became one of its superstars.

Before long, Strauss found himself at the center of this secret society. Looked up to by desperate men wanting to learn his secrets, seen as an equal among its best teachers, and widely regarded as one of the biggest innovators in the techniques the community had been created to pioneer, Strauss was no longer documenting the story of this community — he had suddenly become the story.

In his new book, “THE GAME: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists,” Strauss for the first time takes center stage in one of his books as he finds himself at the epicentre of a real-life drama rife with massive egos, shocking betrayals, and cut-throat business rivalries. He soon discovers that what he has entered into has ceased to be about becoming more successful with women, and suddenly become a struggle for his very soul. And probably the most incredible aspect of THE GAME is that…

Every single word of it is TRUE.

At turns outrageous, hilarious, and upsetting, but always compelling, THE GAME is the first book to venture into this uncharted (and widely unknown) terrain of sexual politics. Men will study it to learn its secret techniques. Women will flock to it to learn how guys think. But no matter what, everyone will enjoy reading this amazing story.

Here’s what others are saying about THE GAME:

“This book on the Secret Society of Pickup Artists is one of the great surprises you will get from reading a work of non-fiction; no matter how high your expectations are, they will be surpassed by his insight, wit, and clever word-craft.

The greatest gift you will get from your time penetrating the game will be to spend several hours in the company of one of America’s truly great working writers. You will put this book down after turning the last page and you will feel within yourself that (because of this book) you have become a better person. The man will make you understand that your only limitations are in your own mind.” – Clint Arthur

“This book is about how an average guy turns into a better man. It’s what every guy wants. After all, what guy hasn’t wished that he could have more CHOICE with women- because that’s what we’re talking about here. That’s what it’s really about.” –Blake Richards

“His book is fascinating and very true; I strongly recommend it to those guys who mistakenly think they cannot have any woman they want. Neil is a true example of it. While reading it, pay attention to his personality; that’s the strongest card he plays and the only one that really matters after all.” –Ivan Alvarado

“I can’t put it down-already on Chapter 5–Wow! The guys are reading it and the women better read it too.” –Sandy

“The book is hilarious, but what really makes it powerful is that it is a tale of self-improvement. Once you get past the lingo, lines, and gimmicks, it’s really about an average guy learning to be more confident with himself and women.” –S. Marc

“Just finished this book, couldn’t put it down. This is an amazing story of a few men, who decided to take their lives and desires in their own hands. Strauss holds nothing back and provides a candid exploration into the psyche of a few guys, who went from being regular average guys to being with some of the most attractive women around…” — Neeraj Bansal

“This is, bar-none, one of the most complete and entertaining guides on the subject of seduction I have ever seen. In fact, I’d rate it up there along side Robert Greene’s classic, The Art Of Seduction. This is a must own book.” –Joseph Matthews

Sex, Good Sex, and Supersex by Tracey Cox

Supersex Tracey CoxSupersex, published in 2002 is the first in a new series of books by Tracey Cox, who visited South Africa last December on a whirlwind tour to promote her latest book, Superdate.To those of you less familiar with this sexy lass, she is described as one of the world’s foremost writers on sex and relationship. All the books under her belt as well as numerous TV appearances and writing columns in newspapers and magazines. Yes, “let’s talk about sexy baby, let’s talk about you and me” as the song by TLC said. Firstly this is a book that all men should read. Not because of the great and explicitly pictures of nakes women (and naked men) but because it gives you great insight into how to please a women sexually. Obviously Tracey Cox, being a woman herself places a little bias on how to please the woman. But my personal experience has taught me that she is spot on. Most men have no idea how to please a women sexually. Dr Robert W. Birch, a retired marital and sex therapist, says that only 30% of women have an orgasm during intercourse and as much as 15% of the female population have never experienced an orgasm!

And as a man I can safely say that men are so easy to please. Come (sic) to think of it we only have to be touched, sucked, stroked and wham, bam, thank you m’am! So how where do we begin? Well first step is to learn how to please your partner. Tracey Cox advises us here on how to touch a naked man or woman. Then we move onto teasing, and here we go into bit more specifics about “telling if he’d be great in bed”, “single vs couple sex”, toyboys, kissing and more.

The chapter entitled Moanzone was my personal favourite. In this section we learn how to give oral sex. It is really important that men realise that most women will only climax when they receive oral sex (or using a vibrator). Now you choose. I would rather give oral sex then have my woman use a vibrator after I’ve climaxed because I believe in giving and receiving pleasure.

All in all reading this book contains a lot of great practical advice. This will satisfy your instant gratification needs. Next step is to persuade your partner to try some of these meneuveres with you. As Jim Carrey says in the Truman Show, “If I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.” And I’ll add, “Good sex!”

Tracey Cox is one of the world’s foremost writers on sex and relationships and is also a TV presenter. As well as starring in the UK series of Would Like to Meet, Tracey is also starring in the US version of the show, renamed Date Patrol. Her brand-new show, Under One Roof, airs later this year on ITV, when Tracey turns her hand to solving all the problems living together can cause.

Tracey has a psychology degree and is a regular columnist for The Sunday Times. She also writes a weekly column in Closer magazine. Her books Hot Sex, Hot Relationships and Supersex are international bestsellers and her latest book, Superflirt is due to be published in November. Tracey was born in the UK but spent many years in Australia where she edited Cosmopolitan magazine.

Visit Tracey Cox official website

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