George Carlin’s Words of wisdom

George Carlin’s Words of wisdom

This is a master piece… If you have not read it take the time to read it now… If you have read it take time to read it again… If you have read it again… Then, please consider!!!

George Carlin American stand-up comedian RIPIsn’t it amazing that George Carlin – comedian of the 70′s and 80′s – could write something so very eloquent…and so very appropriate

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Free-ways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete….

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Trouble with Twitter

This is one of those videos that really makes you think about how trivial some aspects of social networking sites like Twitter can be. From: “SuperNews!” An animated sketch comedy series airing on Current TV.

How not to network videos

More examples of how not to approach business networking events. Essential networking skills are missing from these video’s. You can view more of these videos on the Kintish Youtube Channel:


Khaya Dlanga does The Skype Dance

Khaya Dlanga is South Africa’s top video blogger with over 10,000 subscribers to his Youtube channel. His most recent video is a hilarious little dance move he calls the Skype Dance. If you want to know more about Skype, download it otherwise if you want to learn more read this beginners guide for South Africans.

Mitch Hedberg RIP

Ever heard of Mitch Hedberg? My friend Chris van Wyk recently brought him to my attention. What an awesome comedic talent. He’s jokes are so arb you cannot help yourself laughing your ass off. In fact he comes across as someone who’s permanently high because his delivery is so laid back. It’s refreshing to have clean humour where no vulgarity is used while still being hilarious. From watching so much comedy it just seems that most stand-up comedians or movies rely on toiler humour or sex talk to get a laugh. Mitch Hedberg was something else. Sadly he passed away in 2005 just before his first HBO special.

See for yourself in this clip. And I encourage you checkout more of him on Youtube.

Make laugh not war in Joburg

Last night I attended the really awesome “Make Laugh Not War” show at the Nelson Mandela Theatre in Braamfontein. The cast included Riaad Moosa (MC), Joey Rasdien, Afzal Khan, Mo Magic from South Africa and international comedians Azhar Usman, Preacher Moss, Mo Amer from Allah Made Me Funny Muslim comedy tour. Riaad, a medical doctor turned comedian from Cape Town, hosted the evening. My tickets were thanks to Lester Ash from Bruin-ou.com. All I can say is that if you are even remotely interested in the Indian/Arab/Muslim/Palestinian people you are going to laugh your ass off. There are some very specific South African in-jokes with our diverse community. So you will enjoy the first set and overall the 2nd set with the international comedians were off the rockers.

So today they have their final show in South Africa. Be sure to book for the two shows today at Computicket. And just as a teaser…here’s a clip from Google Video:


The question is: Why did the chicken cross the road?

PLATO: For the greater good.

* ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

* SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

* MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: … I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.

* FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

* GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

* DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

* EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

* BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

* ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To lay. In the hay.

* RAY McCAULEY: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, “the other side.? Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

* NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

* THABO MBEKI: We need to establish if really there is a connection between the chicken and the road.

* ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.

* ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion

Joke of the Day: The Husband and the Coke machine

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem is who should get custody of the child. The wife jumps up and says: “Your Honour, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody.” The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in your defence?” The man sits for a while contemplating, then slowly rises. “Your Honour, if I place R5 in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, whose Coke is it – the machine’s or mine?”

Joke of the Day: Mbeki, Zuma, Fraser-Moleketi and Dlamini-Zuma

Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President’s jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: “You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.”

Jacob Zuma said: “I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.”

Geraldine said: “I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy”.

Manto said : “I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.”

The one pilot looks at the other and says:
“Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!”

Dating Lessons from Borat

You may or may not have seen this clip before. Borat has certainly entered the mainstream with the hit movie from 2006. Borat in his usual casual style introduces the topic and explains in a bewildered manner how American women will not get married unless you date them first. Apparently where comes from, in Kazakhstan, you just go to the woman’s father and pay them. Sounds almost like lobola to me. The questions by the matchmaker with Borat’s responses is hilarious. One benefit from this kind of situation is that it helps you become clear about what you want, what you have to offer. The question of race is not a sensitive issue to Borat: he does not want a Jewish woman. One good piece of advice given at this stage is not to be sexually explicit in your dating profile. You want to be sensual wherever you can but never direct.

Next in dating school Borat learns that most American men bring to many gifts. This is a big no-no according the dating coach. He practices his funny chair joke on her with some uncomfortable giggles. A tip here when telling jokes never laugh before the woman you are talking to has laughed. No matter how lame your jokes – hold your breath – and the people you speak to will eventually giggle even to relieve to the tension. More about cocky comedy later. I think the most hilarious part is that Borat does the opposite of what the dating coach tells him to do. There is some value here because doing the opposite of what your mother taught you or what society expects to you to do, can sometimes have surprisingly good responses from woman. Everyone enjoys a surprise whether they admit it or not.

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