This article is from one of my guest bloggers and fellow dating coach Tuming Lee:
If you fall head over heels in-love with a guy and he drops you for another girl who happens to be cuter than you… Don’t be in a hurry to cry him a river just yet, instead of crying, take out your notebook and write down the reasons you think he wasn’t man enough for you.
You may cry as you are writing your list, that’s okay, but don’t cry for too long, life is too precious to be wasted entirely on an idiot of a man.
Yes, you guessed right. This break up article is not your typical, let’s-get-the-tissues-out, throw-a-pityparty type of session, it’s about changing your view and seeing the humour in the whole thing and laughing at ourselves for a change. I am done crying over a man, and I wish you’d stop crying over your ex too. He is not worth it, because if he were, he would have respected you enough to not cheat on you.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You deserve better in every way.
Now repeat after me.
“He is not worthy of me. I deserve better in every way.”
Okay, now that we are past the blockage, can we get down to real business?
Here are a few examples you can put down on your “he didn’t deserve me” list. Feel free to add comments and images if you feel the need to, anything to make the exercise more therapeutic. The pleasure is temporary but it’s well worth the ink.
- He’s failed third grade, three times (pointless, but hilarious)
- He has crooked teeth and bad breath (I once dated a guy with halitosis that I refused to kiss. No crooked teeth though. A businessman can you believe it? Don’t ask! An experiment gone bad. When he insisted on a kiss, I would occasionally give him a peck on the lips and would never open my mouth. Guess what, he cheated on me, hopefully with a girl with bad breath too. LOL. He probably thought I was a bad kisser because we wouldn’t French kiss. True story. I kid you not. Lol. It’s crazy things that women do…)
- He has itchy toes and smelly underarms(Even if it’s not an everyday thing, just write it down)
- He’s got no class (True, I did him a favour by marrying him. His manners were the level of a street kid.)
- He’s a selfish, one minute man. (Every woman’s nightmare. We have all lived it)
- He’s ugly. (He messed up my kids. Now they get tormented at school because of him.)
- He has four toes on the left foot(You will be surprised what women put up with in order to fulfill their strong sense of belonging)
- He’s short, squint and obese. (No comment!)
- He’s got small equipment. (More like a tool. An equipment sounds bigger and more useful)
- He is bald and broke. (Two blows simultaneously. Who did I think I was, Superwoman?)
- He can’t keep a job.(Am I glad I got rid of the lazy bugger)
- He has got cellulite and stretch marks. (Yes, we are talking about a man. Don’t be so alarmed. Weirdoes do exist)
- He’s a cripple (Imagine upgrading a cripple that cheats on you. lol. No offense intended. Only want to make a point.)
As you can see, I got carried away with the exercise coz it was fascinating to do this. Coming to think of it, I have never created a “he didn’t deserve me” list of my own before. This is my first, not to mean that I once had a cripple for a boyfriend. lol. In fact, my friend was once involved with a cripple who lost one eye, she tells me, through a bicycle-tyre-pumping freak accident. Their affair was not a healthy one so when it became apparent that the relationship was ending and he had my friend, the mother of his child replaced by some bimbo, a war of words erupted between them. My friend couldn’t contain her anger and called him a cripple to his face. lol. It’s crazy, I know! The guy called her something else; I don’t remember what it was. It was after all efforts to win him back failed, did my friend decide that the time had come for her to accept the breakup and start a life without him. And that concluded the drama in their life.
My friend is much happier now. She has a meaningful project to focus her energy on which is way more fulfilling than chasing after a man who didn’t want her. My friend is quite the entrepreneur these days and it makes me proud to say her business is growing from strength to strength and I thank the breakup for it. Had they not broken up, she would have substituted a chase for a dream with a chase for a man.
Now back to the list, once you are done with your list, burn it and release it to the heavens for karma to act upon it. Never take the task of “sorting him out” into your own hands as this may have legal implications. Moreover, this is not the crazy woman’s club and I am not a therapist. I simply offer advice that is taken and applied at the readers’ risk whom I trust are of average EQ and I believe consider their best judgement on things.
Hey, I think I may have found a disclaimer right there, so please take note as I cannot be held responsible for “out of control” situations that were as a result of my readers’ misuse or misinterpretation of any of the concepts contained in my teachings. To save yourself some break up drama, you must pledge to never act on impulse, commit to stay secure during your differences with a man and to always use your best judgement.
One important lesson I teach about break ups is that no amount of begging and convincing will make him see you any positively when the attraction is gone. The wise thing to do in these kinds of situations is to exit the relationship gracefully and pick up whatever is left of your dignity and take it with you. Keep walking and don’t look back. The longer you fight the break up, the lesser the chance of a reconciliation.
If you are hoping to get back with your ex, stop creating drama in his life and leave him in peace. Focus on making the most of your life and who knows, eventually, he might find his way back into your arms again. Anything is possible, if you remember to think and act right.
However, I must emphasize and will keep imparting throughout my teachings that relationships are not kindergarten were adults act like children and refuse to take blame. If I were you I would do it the Akon style and just like he sings in his song, SORRY blame it on me, I would do like wise and accept blame of all my relationships gone bad. The major relationship turnaround happens when you stop blaming the ex and take ownership of your contribution in the breakup.
Being passive in a relationship does not excuse you from taking blame; in fact passiveness is the worst crime you can ever commit in your relationship. It is like accepting a job offer but not willing to perform any duties. Sooner or later, the boss will have to get rid of the passive employer. You can’t be calling on the CCMA or quoting the Labour Relations Act for a compensation claim, when you clearly have been neglecting your duties as the CCMA only protects the rights of those who labour. No work, no compensation. Same goes for all the concepts learned in this book and other similar teachings. No work, no relationship. No commitment, no longevity. If you want your relationships to die a devastating death, keep shifting blame.
Life experience has shown that people who usually shift blame are individuals who still don’t understand that the “dump” is for their own good. With being dumped comes a lesson that is there to serve you and a lesson only you must learn. Maybe being dumped or being cheated on is pushing you to be bold in some area of your life whose growth you have neglected. If being cheated on influences you to put greater detail to the nature of the guys you date, then its worth celebrating, I reckon.
If ever you find yourself stuck in a “jilted lover” rut, remember to take out this article and revise what you have learned. Always follow the Charlize Theron’s “giant bow dress” rule and get over the shame as quickly as you can. Here is another motivator. Apparently Beyonce Knowles, last year, while on stage, she tumbled down the stairs during a tour and it was all caught on CNN’s tape and appeared on You Tube. As embarrassing as it may have been, it was reported in the media that Miss Knowles took it in her stride and is now openly talking about it.
It can’t get more comforting than this considering your breakup is a private affair and Beyonce’s trip was VERY public.
You are a big girl now and big girls don’t cry. I don’t have to be Fergie to tell you this. Learn the lesson and loose the shame.
I‘ll be with you in spirit as you are traveling this self healing journey to effectively overcoming your breakups and creating positive, lasting relationships. It’s only when you stop crying will you start creating. Your natural charm is the engine that will be setting this healing bulldozer in motion. Now put your best smile in the ignition and get moving. BON VOYAGE!
To get the guy’s perspective read 7 Steps on how-to get over your ex-girlfriend.
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