The Psychology of a Player interview

This is an interview with Ramon Thomas for Destiny, a new women’s business magazine, that was never published so I’m posting it here:

1. Why do some men decide to become players?

Most players don’t decide to become players. They just find they are naturally good with women i.e. they understand how to make a women feel good and this naturally creates attraction. Players make up a small, very small fraction of men. Those who are motivated to become pickup artists (or players) do so out of frustration and lack of success with women growing up. For example, Mystery, the most revered pick-up artist in the world was a nerd, introverted and into computers growing up. He transformed himself by becoming a stage magician and using this to launch his career as a professional pick-up artist. He is the mentor of Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artist (2005).

2. What do they gain from it?

The most important thing a man gains from becoming a player is confidence with women. They begin to understand the process of how to create attraction, how to get women into bed, how to make women come back for more. They learn what most guys only hope to achieve which is that men can also have sexual selection because most men believe women are the choosers. More specifically they learn a set of internal beliefs, attitudes and a mindset which women find irresistible.

3. What drives a good man to become a Casanova?

Again in most cases it’s a severe lack of success with women which drives them to seek out the knowledge, know-how and role models who can teach them how to turn things around. Casanova made most of the women he had sex with very happy because he was able to focus in on their inner most desires and allow them to live out a idealistic fantasy. By comparison the average male is plain and boring.

4. Does culture have anything to do with it?

No because players or Casanova’s can be found in all countries, all cultures and throughout the ages. Matt Ridley in his ground breaking book, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, explains how intelligence has been one of the outcomes through sexual selection, which is a separate and concurrent development alongside evolution. What I mean is this, males develop a high intelligence, to outwit the competition. The females benefited with each generation of reproduction and the transfer of genes.

5. How do you spot a Casanova?

The best players are also guys’ guys because they can get along with anyone. They have superb social skills and assert their alpha status over a social group becoming the de facto leader. The easiest way to spot a Casanova is to observe how a guy interacts with both women and men. He cannot be confident with women if he is not able to lead the men. In one sense he is more like Don Juan (seducer) who will be quiet, even reserved because he does not intentionally raise any alarm bells. He is prefers to observe the surroundings and group interaction so he can choose the best possible moments to make his move on the particular woman he prefers. Another type of player is more of “the Mayor” where he is friendly and talkative to everyone.

6. Can you change him to become monogamous in a relationship?

Yes because serial monogamy is a myth. It simply means the man has not met a woman who has more to offer than himself. So for example find a man like Matthew McConaughey, considered a player, settling down with Brazilian model Camila Alves. You will also notice how many playboy types go through multiple marriages because they are trying to find the best match based on their own subjective criteria. And I’ll guarantee you part of that includes a woman who’s a challenge with very high
self-esteem (because they have high self-esteem).

7. Do you have any examples that come to mind?

PLAYERS: Herschelle Gibs, Jude Law, George Clooney, Hugh Hefner

NOT: Graeme Smith, Johnny Depp (kids, relationship), Pierce Brosnan (long-term marriage), Tom Cruise (Scientology weirdo, multiple marriages)