The short answer is: energy or what you sometimes call vibe.

While in Cape Town I normally have breakfast at least once at Mugg & Bean in Cavendish and I once again had a few meetings this past Saturday. While waiting to be seated I noticed the tall and stunning woman with the best white boots I have seen in a year. The most striking thing about her was her energy or aura or viba – take your pick. The rest her clothes were exceptionally well matches and she topped it off with a cute hat, also white. She was about 1.7m+ tall and carried herself very well like she walking on a red carpet. She walked slowly and never looked around at the other people walking to and fro in the mall. She was with a man who may or may not be her boyfriend. And what was also notable is that there was NO clinging. She was not holding onto him, nor was he holding onto her. There were what Zan Perrion and others have called, together apart. And Khalil Gibran in The Prophet, said there should be spaces in your togetherness.

Anyway I was having a lively chat with another gentleman also waiting in line to be seated at Mugg & Bean. There is a huge amount of social proof to be obtained being seen with a woman like this. And in fact that would be one of the conscious or unconscious reasons for the man to be with her. I know there is some research about this somewhere but for now I’ll express only my opinion: Men feel better about themselves when they are seen with an attractive woman than with an unattractive woman. And they do not even have to be in a relationship with her to feel this way. This is why men buy a women a gifts or take them for dinner, whether is getting any or not. The psychology is that you first hope for the opportunity to be seen with her, to experience her presence, and in a perverted way to receive her approval. And when you notice the other men looking at her it boosts your ego. When you notice the other women looking at her and then you, maybe you feel you’re on the right track

You may agree with me the typical woman in a mall does not come across as classy or even sophisticated. Some women may be cute, some even beautiful but not necessarily classy. And the simple reason is the loss of elegance or feminine beauty over the last century with the rise of unisex clothes and the feminist rebellion. A century ago people placed great value in etiquette or how you conduct yourself, especially in public. You only have to watch any Jane Austin movie adaptation or even the average Bollywood woman. The women in these films have a sense of class, which has been taught, sometimes at great pains by their parents, teachers or mentors. They understood the power of influence, and the idea that you can lead a man just by using subtext in your communication. This is an extremely sophisticated idea for men because you tend to be much more direct with your communication. And the subtlety with which women have evolved is an adaptation of the trials and tribulations they have faced over the last 2000 years. A great modern example of this would be any Audrey Hepburn movie as well. She never used force.

Anyway I believe women can convey class through the following means:

  1. Developing a very strong self esteem (bordering on arrogance).
  2. Learning how to say no in a tactful way (letting the guy off easy to come back to for more).
  3. Communicating more with gestures, body language and tone rather than words.
  4. Specific ways of touching yourself, like flicking your hair back often, touching or licking your lips.
  5. Wearing clothes that accentuate your female body, especially the hip to waste ratio.
  6. Slow and soft talking when alone or in public because you want the guy to lean in to hear what you have to say.
  7. Immaculate lipstick, make-up and hair, long hair (your own but if not some extensions like Joelle Kayembe wears – all the time).

This is really just my initial thoughts on this idea because I was so awe struck by this particular specimen of the opposite sex. As women have embraced unisex clothing, they have done themselves a disservice when it comes to sexual polarity. Whenever a women can play up her feminine wiles she can create a win-win situation. When she forgets the beauty that comes her feminine being she can never be a a class act.